Dude Looks Like A. . .

Well, it is a song, and it probably wouldn't be able to be recorded today since 1987 seems like a thousand years ago. But you know, seriously -- men shouldn't be sporting these. Ever. I don't care who you are, how much money you have. If a man's gonna have moobs, they should be full, large and round. They should be luscious and a delight to nibble and pull. His . . . well, this is old man-flap. If you grab the nipple and pull, there's no telling when you'll stop. You might, as a matter of fact, circle the world and wind up right where you started. And when a chest can become rope, it's basically time to call it quits.