What Does Justin Bieber Smell Like?

The hope that puberty, someday, shall come. So-o-o-me...da-a-a-ay-y-y....

Judging Arango's Cheeks

"Not bad...."

[source]

The Giggles: Anderson Cooper

Okay, so it came out like two weeks ago. I can post something that's yesterday's news, right? Right? Especially when it's still making the rounds of every other blog known to man like a lazy Susan. So there. Just click on the link and watch Anderson Cooper dissolve into a mass of giggles right on the telly, live (well, on August 17), as he commented on Gerard Depardieu's misadventures with his engorged, incontinent penis on a plane.

La Michele Squawks Again

God told Michele Bachmann through the storms clouds of Irene we should cut the spending because look at what happened - we've had two disasters on the East Coast (where Washington is). At least she didn't say that the repeal of DADT and the passing of marriage laws in New York caused the non-hurricane that spoke to her, but you know it's right there, under the surface of her made-up skin and moronic mind, bubbling to get out like excess gas. It won't, though - she's suddenly NOT talking about anything anti-gay anymore. Wonder what her beard thinks.

"I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. He said, 'Are you going to start listening to me here?' Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we've got to rein in the spending."

I'm not sure about the roaring part of this quote, but I think she's kinda going after the fat of the land, now. While waxing poetry on government. Oh, I never know what she's talking about anyway. Must be the barbarian in me.

[Image from The Atlantic Wire]

When is a Weatherman Not a Weatherman?

When he's Jim Cantore. The day he was promoted to oh, some high position at the Weather Channel a couple of years he got into several arguments live and continued to interrupt a female news reporter for no reason than to "flex his muscles". I remember once when he actually gave the weather in a pleasant manner. Now he's something of a pompous star in his own mind. He's just a weatherman - not Keanu Reeves in Point Break. He makes other weather reporters look positively idiotic and because of him now everyone has to risk their lives and swim in filth and for what? Ratings? Please. I don't see what's so special about him. Other than he's just another TV personality who's completely self-absorbed and is drowning in ego. Next!

Another One Bites the Dust

Does anyone remember Chris Lee? The congressman who showed off on Craigslist as he trolled the site for sex with a woman CD, TS as per his own profile? Of course you do. And then came Anthony Weiner. Not gay, but who cares? He ruined his own chances by "showing off his hard work at the gym" to what he claims was a Vegas showgirl. Right.

Roberto Arango is the latest of a very anti-gay, anti-progressive politician showing off his "ASSets" on a very gay site (Grindr). Which is funny because recently he had voted against gay marriage and even thrown a rubber duck against a legislator who supported the cause. Duck, in Spanish, is a derogatory term for homosexual. Anyway, when he was confronted by the media his response was that, well, it could be him, or any other politician, but that the photos could have been "altered" to make it look like him. Alrighty. Throw your people under the bus like a man, and then claim Photoshop is to blame.

But he took it one step further, smack into Weiner-land. He neither claimed nor denied it could be him. After all, he had been losing weight and was "documenting it". On a gay site. Ass up in the air. But of course. Anyone who works out takes pictures of himself on all fours and puckers up. It's the way you judge progress. That's probably why Arango is so confused with what he believes to be progress: he's of the sort who thinks it's best to see it rectally, not face-to-face. I get it.

Oh well. People thought he wouldn't resign because nothing was happening in terms of his removal, but as of today, he's gone. No more. Finito. Adios, and don't let the door hit you on the cheeks as you go out!

Fingernails on Slate: Gaga at the VMAs

Thank God for small miracles. Irene arrived with a subdued fanfare and forced me to not watch anything - not even porn - on my telly. And thus, I missed the VMAs, a show I have religiously avoided since the mid 90s when I began to feel the impending newer generation closing in with musical styles I couldn't and wouldn't get into. That may have been a good thing - not that I had any intention to watch it - but because I read Gaga was going to crash it... not as her crazy self, but her even crazier alter-ego, Jo Calderone, who is absolutely "One of the Guys".

So my first and only reaction was, "Oh, for fuck sakes...."

I really miss those days when Madonna burst out of her wedding dress, or when she did a naughty, 18th Century rendition of "Les Liaisons Dangereuses" while performing Vogue... or when she kissed Britney and sorta kissed Christina who looked lost and lonely and dejected, because she and everyone knows Britney always came first in Madge's graces and all Christina had was the hopes to hoard whatever leftovers she could frantically get.

Anyway, here 'he' is, not performing, not singing, not doing anything to advance the plot, just there, ranting, raving, while Gaga does NOT have any major hits from her new album. Oh, the sophomore curse...

Get More: 2011 VMA, Music, Lady Gaga

The Hurricane Hype

So here I am sitting in front of my laptop, looking out at my cute lil' street that is now dark and peppered with the warm glow of lights from inside every family home, a tiny sliver of the New York skyline visible for my entertainment as the Woolworth tower.

It's still windy and there is the possibility of a little more rain tonight, but nothing like last night when it came in bands and just as quickly, were gone, only to come back slamming at my walls and windows and shake the house. A house that has seen quite a bit of storms and may still stand to see even more.

You see, the media blew (pun intended) this out of the water and it's the reason I've stopped following much of it when an impending event is about to take place. Anyone who's seen The History Channel or NatGeo has at one point seen their descriptive love letters to destruction porn -- it's not if, it's when, is their catchphrase. Needless to say hurricanes have been covered, the what-ifs of a Cat 5 hurricane into New York City, the images of iconic buildings, streets, parks, subways and overall infrastructure yielding to a water invasion, leaving the city in tatters.

So newscasters decided to stop all external coverage of anything happening in the world and become as self-absorbed as a hardcore narcissist checking out his or her body for imperfections. Nothing could be more important than this hurricane, nothing could be acknowledged, you could rape ten women and get away with it, you could ransack a bank or a series of banks and who would notice? We were too focused on blowing this storm so far out of proportion and into our media-saturated psyches that no one thought, "hey, maybe we should also think of maintaining the populace secure." Not that we weren't... but you get my point.

When you see a guy walking on a boardwalk covered in absolute filth that he himself said was raw sewage, or when you see streakers showing off their goods (and I won't complain, there were two that were kinda hot) you know you have a coverage problem. The Weather Channel and Jim Cantore are guilty of this. They need ratings so they lie in wait for any kind of "weather event" - because it's not just the weather anymore, it's not just snow or rain or fire, it's a "weather event" (please). Once that happens or as it's about to happen, or as it is transpiring, there they go from town to town putting themselves in ridiculous amounts of danger to describe the painfully obvious: that hurricanes, in fact, have winds over 100 miles an hour, that rain, when falling at such a speed, stings.

Once they were in New York - and not just them but every news channel, stationed in Lower Manhattan - I knew we were sunk. It wouldn't be the hurricane that would kill Manhattan, it would be the newscasters and their pornographic account of absolute destruction. I saw people at the supermarket by my place going beserk over loaves of bread, cereal, bottled water; I saw a woman slap her husband on the street as she screamed into his face a flurry of words I can't repeat here (while their baby cried in its carrier); I saw lines and lines and lines of people and every cashier up to her eyeballs, scrambling to get people out of the supermarket so they themselves could go home and wait for it. And the mediarologists kept soldiering on, relentlessly, delivering horrifying accounts of impending doom.

Me? All I had were two bottles of Sutter Home Merlot and some Oreos, but only because I was craving some. If I hadn't gone crazy over the dozens of hurricanes I'd been through over the years... I wasn't about to start now.

When I woke up this morning I expected to see a giant mess of damage reminiscent of the Long Island Express... and saw nary a leaf strewn on the pavement. Houses were intact. Cars were parked. Garbage cans were in their place (and those are the first ones to go rolling away once the winds intensify). Men and women were walking their dogs, and I saw a hunky jogger fly by.

Life was back to normal on Ogden.

So much for the media's depiction of terror. Oh, I'm sure there are other locations that are still under flood watch and have had it worse, but it's no different from what happens when a nor'easter strikes (and stays for like three days pounding the crap out of everything). This was just twelve hours of an underwhelming storm that won't be remembered a year from now, or at least, until the next big one. Moving on.

Thar She Blows....

Although there are still some remnant winds in my area, but who cares anymore? It's gone, people are out on the street continuing their lives, and I am fantasizing that the high winds bring me this to my lair:

This is Why Bert and Ernie Will Not Marry

Men can't commit. What were you thinking? That because two gay men, er... puppets, living in that New York (Queens? maybe Jackson Heights-ish) apartment for, oh, 40 years, they'd be devoted to each other 'til death, or dissassemble, shall take place?

Don't kid yourself. And anyways, open relationships are the new monogamy.

[Source]

Hurricane Blues: Come On, Eileen

I mean, it's not quite Irene, but it's damn close, especially when you're starting into your second bottle of Sutter's Home like I am. Amazing. I can still type without typos. Hope the roof doesn't blow---

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Hurricane?

[Images from Dave Granlund]

Stanley Kubrick and the iPad

An ipad containing a movie that features... an iPad?

One of the reasons I consider 2001: A Space Odyssey to be one of the best science fiction movies to have been made in the last century is its remarkable attention to detail. Using state of the art graphics it has managed to look completely contemporary even in the age of CGI and science fact. For example, there is a quick but interesting scene of the two astronauts (Dullea and Lockwood) who are using what points to be  Apple iPads/tablet PCs (well, its precursor, if you're a stickler for chronology). I don't know how Kubrick managed to make this little scene look completely real but he did. It's so real that now there is a legal dispute between Samsung and Apple with regards to who created the iPad. While I don't know or care much of who did what first, it did bring back to mind that since 1968 there have been no groundbreaking science fiction movies, and since Kubrick, there have been no mega-directors of this caliber.

Read more of the article here at WSJ and see if you can make heads of tails from it.

Santorum's Misadventures in Suspension of Disbelief

[Image from Truth Wins Out]

Poolside Exposure

Yes, it's one of those cheap, "just because I felt like it" posts. And it's making me miss Florida. I love pools. And muscles. And muscles on the shallow end of any pool.

Who'd Have Thought: Rick Santorum Has Gay Friends

It's the oldest lame excuse since... well... the last lame excuse, but whenever a homophobe - whether he outwardly proclaims it or hides behind the bushes - gets caught in the line of questioning as to why is he so hard on gays and lesbians, he always goes for this tired line: "I have lots of gay friends. I've been around gay people. I just don't think that (insert your anti-gay sentiment here)."

Turns out, the latest in a long conga line of gay haters who have (surprise!) gay friends is none other than Rick "the frothy mix" Santorum. Megan Kelly in all her blonde glory gushes and coos and waxes poetics whilst interviewing Santorum on Faux News, and when she asks him the Hard Question (on why does he seem to have it in for gays and lezzies alike), this is what he replies:

"As I've said many times, I have friends who are gay, I accept them as they are, but... I disagree with them vehemently about what is in the best interest of society with respect to our marriage laws, and what we're going to teach children at schools, what the impact of those marriage laws will be in our faith communities and their ability to be able to proclaim the truth as God has laid it out in the Bible... all of those things are ramifications of a public policy debate where again, I'm going to stand and be very vocal about... but that doesn't mean I dislike anybody or hate anybody because of their sexual orientation."

So much for the man who wants to reinstate DADT, who has gone on record saying some pretty disgusting things about homosexuality:

"I have no problem with homosexuality. I have a problem with homosexual acts. As I would with acts of other, what I would consider to be, acts outside of traditional heterosexual relationships. And that includes a variety of different acts, not just homosexual. I have nothing, absolutely nothing against anyone who’s homosexual. If that’s their orientation, then I accept that. And I have no problem with someone who has other orientations. The question is, do you act upon those orientations? So it’s not the person, it’s the person’s actions. And you have to separate the person from their actions."

"If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything. Does that undermine the fabric of our society? I would argue yes, it does."

"A lesbian woman came up to me and said, ‘why are you denying me my right?’ I said, ‘well, because it’s not a right.’ It’s a privilege that society recognizes because society sees intrinsic value to that relationship over any other relationship."

"I certainly would not approve of [a bill moving through the California legislature compels the state to add gay history to the state education curriculum], but there’s a logical consequence to the courts injecting themselves in creating rights and people attaching their legislative ideas to those rights that in some respects could logically flow from that. So I’m not surprised."

Dodging the Bullet: Michele Bachmann

Babylon? Nah, just a clueless bitch.

Up until recently, Michele Bachmann had been rather vocal about her antipathy of all things queer. You know, calling even the term 'gay' Satanic, and that all of us were living in bondage (which, I must say, she may be right: nothing makes my raspberry tingle than being bound and gagged onto a St. Andrew's Cross with all sorts of latex objects inserted into every possible orifice. Meanwhile, My Man, he of the hulking, hyper-masculine essence and basso-profundo roar of a voice ponders just how much pain torture I must be subjected to. Oooh! My nipples just got hard at the thought. Okay, Ivan, focus. Mind out of the dungeon).

And, like Lipps, Inc., I thought about it, thought about it, thought about it, thought about i-i-i-it.


Recently Bachmann has been dodging every possible question thrown at her not only about her husband's questionable incursion into reparative therapy - a practice that proclaims to 'pray the gay away' (while he himself manages to make Liberace positively grrr-roar-MACHO), but about her past statements that to put them mildly, are disapproving of the gay lifestyle. Even though her nasal voice, and her somewhat cross-eyed visage, is on record, multiply, going on and on about how terrible even the thought of being gay is... she's now turned tail, folded up into a tent, and become mum.


I don't know what prompted her 180 degree turn on LGBT issues.  Bachmann has displayed a complete denial to own up to her vicious statements - statements that Anderson Cooper displayed for everyone to read, listen to, and soak in on his show AC360, counterpointed with the endless mantra of hers that "I am running for the presidency of the United States" when asked to face these aforementioned words as she smiles blankly at the camera. All the time, kids in her own district kill themselves for being perceived as gay. And she, not surprisingly, does nothing.

So much for that broken record. I personally think, whether she truly believes her own hateful words or is that deeply entrenched in absolute ignorance that she is willing to see gay people as living in bondage and satanic (which is highly possible, I've met her type and they are truly scary people)... the fact that she cannot or will not acknowledge her own words is proof that she cannot be taken seriously as a public figure, as a running candidate for the presidency. And should be ridiculed every step of the way, down to the bitter end when she finally fades from public view and becomes just another crazy airhead who, while pretty, has no clue what this world beyond her own nose is all about.

[Even Kathy Griffin had a laugh at her expense because this is how stupid she is: she did not know the meaning of the word 'bigot'. And it's on record. The same way it's on record that the Soviet Union is on the rise, and slavery is a myth. Keep in mind when you vote, people: that is who's "running for the presidency of the United States".]






Let's put it this way. Suppose that in an alternate world where she does become President (shudder), we descend into total economic chaos (yes, even deeper than the mess we are in now). Suppose our country gets attacked, yet again. Suppose total anarchy breaks out in states where gays and lesbians wish to live and not be tied to arcane laws. How is she going to respond to that? How is she going to believably run this Nation and answer The Tough Questions? By being evasive? Stepfordish? An automaton that continues to say, "No spic inglese" as she shakes her head back and forth and leaves a Country with empty hands and in total dissatisfaction?

If you are a public figure, whether you are running for President or just a celebrity you are automatically placed in a higher level of responsibility. You cannot spew forth the garbage she has, and then run away from it because it's RE-CORD-ED and on perpetual replay. People, even come conservatives, will need answers. And you better have them.

Or risk being a complete fraud, married to a beard, a beard you need to shave off your face and throw in the gutter.If at all, to save any semblance of face that might be left.

From the Horse's Mouth: Michele Bachmann

I would say it's a unified message. It really is about jobs and the economy. That doesn't mean people haven't [sic] forgotten about protecting life and marriage and the sanctity of the family. People are very concerned about that as well. But what people recognize is that there's a fear that the United States is in an unstoppable decline. They see the rise of China, the rise of India, the rise of the Soviet Union and our loss militarily going forward. And especially with this very bad debt ceiling bill, what we have done is given a favor to President Obama and the first thing he'll whack is five hundred billion out of the military defense at a time when we're fighting three wars. People recognize that.

I'm not a rocket scientist... but didn't the Soviet Union, um... kinda collapse oh... YEARS ago? Must be that alternate universe La Michele lives in where slavery didn't happen. Yes, that's it.

New Music - Foster the People's Pumped Up Kicks

Deceptive little tune

It's been a while since I've listened to alternative/indie music that I truly liked that didn't sound like a rehashed rinse cycle trying to repeat the same magic that sounded great ten years ago but now is all but gone and quite boring. Back in early March Sirius 20 on 20 introduced this strange little tune with the filtered vocals, New Wave roots, and the somewhat menacing chorus to little fanfare:

"all the young kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, you better run, outrun my gun"

I didn't think much of it, but there it always remained, listed as "new music". Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People slowly crept up on me like a vine and like most sleeper hits, took hold and will most likely become a top ten hit, which is fine with me since I love these dark little tunes making waves from within their own micro-universes. It reminds me of when REM first appeared on the charts 25 years ago at the height of Britpop, Heavy Metal, and Synthpop, sounding nothing like what was out, soon to make big waves and stay there to this day. Give the song a listen. You'll get a kick out it.

After the Party

...comes slumber. And I'll be dreaming under the Moon and the Stars of something like this:

Mock Drinks: Anal Blast - It'll Make You Uncomfortably Gay

I really don't know what to say to this one. Leave it to random findings on the Net that drop on my lap with an audible plop and marinate there with their extreme craziness.

Some guy posted a mock commercial for a drink called Anal Blast. And this came around long before Pussy, that UK drink that is supposed to have a lot of personality and start conversations. Never having been near one and being allergic to the fur-covered ones, I wouldn't have the slightest idea where to start. How would it taste? Would it have that whiff of salt and seawater and its fishy inhabitants we use as protein? Would it squirt in my face if it got hyper-excited? Would it open up like a hymen and reveal an interior only a pearl would love? If I bought a box of this stuff, would the thirtieth one emit forth a dark red liquid that would make me really cramped with a high degree of Totally Cunty? So many questions... which led me to this 'drink'. And the thought that some random straight guy would come (heh-heh) onto it and like Jekyll, morph into a FAAAAAABULOUS queen only Marcus Bachmann wish he were.

Here it is, in all its politically incorrectness: Anal Blast.

Internet Protocol: Is E-Fighting Sexy?

No, true to the age-old axiom, sometimes it's better to walk away from any argument in the works and keep one's sanity. Especially when it's Internet-related. It's not worth the energy.

[Image seen on Unicorn Booty]

Fighting to Save their Marriage: Bradford Wells and Anthony Makk on CNN

A loving, committed couple is about to be wrecked apart by a disgusting, inhuman law... and the administration backing it.

 Is this America?

Vintage Moments

From the time when magazines and pulp novels discreetly packaged "homosexual content" as beefcake with artistic pretenses, really to avoid any kind of nasty situation. I've always loved and preferred the look that guys had in the 50s and 60s.

[Image from Awful Library Books (first one) and from all around the net]

By the way, I do have this book. Image from George Quaintance (1902 - 1957).

Edouard Carpentier

Tim Sweeney and Vic Seipke, 1952

Steve Reeves

John Hamill

Hydrothermal Creep Out

I don't know why I'm doing this. I'm starting to wonder if I've read one too many Lovecraft novels and something in my deeper brain just went "Oh, snap!" and here I am, envisioning myself awakening from a slow, deep slumber, only to see a ginormous thing crawling from the belly of my eyeball. Or worse, my ass. And I usually keep that plugged up and clean as a whistle. You know. In case hunky visitors arrive.

This is what a hydrrothermal vent tube worm looks like. Please note, I have no idea what function this creature is supposed to have in our very creature-friendly Erff, but it's safe to say this is what I think when I conjure up images of the gaping, open gash that is a woman's ladybits:

You can always click on the image to see it in a much higher resolution and creep yourself the fuck out like I did earlier. While having lunch. Which consisted of fish. Which lives under the sea. Where this thing thrives. Alright, I'll stop. Promise. I can't barf at this stage of the game.

A [Gay] Marriage on the Brink of Dissolution

Bradford Wells hugs husband Anthony John Makk (right). Makk is the primary caregiver for the AIDS-afflicted Wells.

This is one of the most tragic stories I have read in a long time. It really got to me at a core level. I can't believe this country will let this happen to two people who love each other, and one of them is the caregiver of the other who is HIV positive.

From SF Gate:

Citing the Defense of Marriage Act, the Obama administration denied immigration benefits to a married gay couple from San Francisco and ordered the expulsion of a man who is the primary caregiver to his AIDS-afflicted spouse.

Bradford Wells, a U.S. citizen, and Anthony John Makk, a citizen of Australia, were married seven years ago in Massachusetts. They have lived together 19 years, mostly in an apartment in the Castro district. The U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services denied Makk's application to be considered for permanent residency as a spouse of an American citizen, citing the 1996 law that denies all federal benefits to same-sex couples.

The decision was issued July 26. Immigration Equality, a gay-rights group that is working with the couple, received the notice Friday and made it public Monday. Makk was ordered to depart the United States by Aug. 25. Makk is the sole caregiver for Wells, who has severe health problems.

Says Wells: "I'm married just like any other married person in this country. At this point, the government can come in and take my husband and deport him. It's infuriating. It's upsetting. I have no power, no right to keep my husband in this country. I love this country, I live here, I pay taxes and I have no right to share my home with the person I married.

You can read more of this heartbreaking article here.

I Love Lucy, Forever

There aren't many words to describe the comic legacy that Lucille Ball left the world. Somewhere in the world, I Love Lucy even now is being transmitted on some television channel and despite the well-known comedic antics and shenanigans she and the classic foursome of Desi Arnaz, Vivian Vance, and William Frawley got into, it has become the staple for situation comedies. Just watch this old clip from her last Emmy award in 1989 (the Governor's Award) and you will see just how effortless she made it all seem. Even when she wasn't on-screen (as a short clip acting as Elizabeth Taylor's arm shows)... she was absolute comedic perfection.

So much for the girl who didn't quite make it in Hollywood but would become THE pioneer for television programming.

We all love you, Lucy... always.

Meet Jo Calderone

Ever since the days of women fighting as men in the Civil War or Aurora Dupin posing as Georges Sand there's been a fascination with women in male drag - more so than men dressed as women. Male garb even defined womens fashions during the 20s into the 40s. Cue Marlene Dietrich, Dorothy Arzner, and Diane Keaton to name a few who took the three piece suit all the way and all but acquired male monikers to boot. Now we have Lady GaGa channeling Prince via the recently deceased Amy Winehouse.

I have to admit - this is the best outfit she's put on. Very elegant, not hypermale, not trying too hard, but accessible - I know guys like this. And it's clever: you could mistake her for any guy on the street. Can't say the same for her panda look, or that egg she wore earlier this year to the Grammys.

All in promotion for her new single, due the moment she hits 1,000 tweets - You and I.

Pussy: The Drink That Won't Squirt

You know, I might actually try this. In a bar. In front of everyone. I live dangerously.

From the website that makes this:

Personality

Pussy is spontaneous, entertaining, optimistic and fun. It’s a starting point. A moment when something happens and when things begin – Pussy starts conversations. It believes in having a good time as often as possible.

As long as it doesn't look like it might have shark's teeth enclosed in fleshy matter and that once I pop that tab I get a shot of cold... juice splashed all over my visage, I'm in. And you... vous voulez en peu de Pussy?